Happily Ever After: A Romance Collection Read online

  Still.

  Sirens sounded. I braced, eyes shut, as the van peeled out and turned.

  “It’s okay,” Thor reassured me, knotting the cloth at the back of my head without getting any of my hair caught, a skill that impressed me. For somebody who didn’t typically take hostages, he was pretty handy with a blindfold. “None of us wants to kill anyone,” he said. “So let’s stay strangers. We’ll let you off once we know we won’t need you, got it?”

  “Got it.”

  “Hands.”

  I put out my hands and he bound my wrists with efficient movements…for a bandit unused to hostage taking. The sirens grew louder, cranking the air of tension inside the van. Where were we?

  “Fuck,” somebody said.

  Were the sirens coming for us?

  The sirens passed.

  “Okay, then,” Thor mumbled.

  Whichever robber was driving—Zeus or Odin—he was driving sanely, which pleased me. I figured the biggest danger would come in with a high-speed chase at this point.

  Train crossing bells.

  I felt the van slow. Low voices up front. I could feel the rumble through the seat.

  “Are we held up by a train?” I asked loudly.

  A door creaked open. What was happening? Had somebody bailed from the van?

  “Because if we are,” I continued, “there’s a bridge you can take.”

  “You think we’re idiots?” Odin barked—I could tell it was him, because Zeus had a deep voice, and Thor was right next to me. Also, Odin had just a hint of an accent. “I think we know the logistics of the area,” Odin added.

  “Just trying to be helpful.”

  “Don’t be,” Odin said. “We are awesome at this, and we don’t need your fucking input.” Odin’s accent involved saying the “g” just a little bit too hard, so that it sounded like your fucking ginput.

  A door slammed and we squealed out—a U-turn from the feel of it.

  Softly, Thor said, “We needed to get rid of those trackers.”

  “Did you throw them into a train boxcar?” I asked.

  No answer.

  “All I'm saying is, very clever. Kudos.”

  Somebody up front grumbled. Maybe kudos isn’t the thing you say to bank robbers who have taken you hostage.

  “I want you to know something,” I announced. “I won’t be any trouble. My main mission in life is to screw the owner of that bank. And I’m not talking sex. Even if I saw your faces, which I swear I haven’t, I would never tell. I want you to get away.” When nobody replied, I said, “I’m on team bank robber.” Still no reply. “Just so you know.”

  “Can you shut her up?” Odin said, and started a hushed conversation with Zeus in the front.

  “Fine,” I whispered.

  “Don’t worry about him,” Thor said to me. “We’ll find a place to let you out and you’ll have fifteen minutes of fame.” I felt the seat depress next to me—Thor, sliding closer. He lowered his voice to a hushed, sexy tone. “We have to find the right sort of place, though. There’s an art to every part of this.”

  I nodded. There was something so delicious about his familiar tone, like he was confiding something sexy.

  I couldn’t see their faces, but I was starting to differentiate them by personality as well as voice. Thor was smart and easy to get along with, and we seemed to be on a certain wavelength; he was the one who’d immediately understood why I was talking in different voices in the safe and played along.

  Zeus was the big silent green-eyed robber who oozed masculine hotness.

  Odin was the one who’d seemed the craziest during the robbery. A bad-boy techie with an accent and a high opinion of their bank robber prowess. The three of them seemed sane and even kind of cool, yet excitingly dangerous, being that they were bank robbers. The combo was working for them.

  Sirens in the distance. “Oh, no!” I said.

  “It’s fine,” Zeus said. I imagined him there in the front, his green eyes and solid presence, utterly in control of everything. I wished I could see what he looked like. I wished I could see all of their faces.

  2

  Thor said, “Why don’t you tell me why you hate your boss so much.”

  I rested my head back on the seat, trying to think where to start.

  “That bad, huh?” Thor said.

  “If it wasn’t for Hank Vernon, my parents would still be alive,” I said.

  The hush in the car deepened, like they all really took that in.

  “I’m sorry,” Thor said softly.

  “It’s been five years,” I said. “I’m…” Getting used to it wasn’t quite right. More like struggling to live with it. “I’m okay.”

  “What happened?” Thor asked softly. “What did he do?”

  I told all about how Hank Vernon and his family wanted to take our sheep farm away from us. They wanted to run us off the land, and lease it to a company that mined frack sand, because they’d make way more money than they would make off of the mortgage their bank held.

  I told my bank robbers about how amazing my mom and dad had been, standing so strong against the Vernons. Like scruffy warriors, my folks. That farm had been their life.

  I took a breath. “Right after I graduated from high school, we had a fire in one of the barns and missed some payments, and that let Hank Vernon change the mortgage terms. He doubled the payments. We got so behind, we were in so much debt.”

  My parents needed a bunch of money fast, so they signed on for a two-month gig on a fishing boat in Alaska. The money from it would get us caught up. Lambing season had ended, and my three younger sisters and I were old enough to run the place over summer.

  I swallowed, remembering the last time I saw my mom and dad. “Two weeks in, the boat went down. They were killed. Just…gone.” It’s still hard to tell it. To relive the shock.

  “I’m sorry,” Thor said.

  “Thanks,” I said. Such a small word for how much I missed them. “There was a bit of insurance money that let us catch up, but…”

  “Your parents were gone.”

  “Right,” I whispered.

  “What happened to the farm?”

  “I kept it up. I managed,” I said.

  Back before all that, my plan had been to leave Wisconsin to start my life—I had this whole round-the-world bungee jumping and rock climbing trek dreamed up. I was going to pick up odd jobs along the way and maybe finish college somewhere with mountains, or at least near a ski jump.

  Once they died, I was all about caring for my sisters and keeping the farm.

  Not letting the Vernons win.

  I tried not to think of the life I’d planned before the Alaskan boat accident. The secret truth is that I’d always wanted to escape the farm. Now it was impossible.

  Thor said, “Bungee jumping is pretty dangerous, you know.”

  “So are guns.”

  Thor laughed softly. “I’m impressed you managed to keep it. Good for you.”

  “We expanded our cheese-making operations, and started making these awesome wool comforters that we sell online,” I said.

  “So why are you working at his bank?” Thor asked. “If you hate him so much?”

  “I’m buying time. There’s a balloon payment coming up that we’ll never be able to handle. Hank said it could be delayed if I worked at the bank. But, you know—wink wink—he thinks I’ll do some extracurricular work duties. Which I’ve avoided because, let’s just say, no way.”

  “I’m glad we hit his bank,” Thor said.

  “Oh, me, too.” I grinned. I couldn’t remember the last time somebody fought for me. That’s how it felt. “Did you notice how nobody pulled the silent alarm? Everyone there hates him.”

  “Wouldn’t’ve worked anyway,” Odin said from the front. “We took it out.”

  “Maybe I’ll buy a Paris Hilton quilt,” Thor said.

  “Oh, please do!” I smiled in his direction. Nicest. Bank Robber. Ever! “May I suggest the organic Paris Hilton
Deluxe comforter?”

  “Yeah?”

  I snorted. “I’m just kidding. That one costs twenty thousand dollars. It’s kind of a pie-in-the-sky product that we made to cheer ourselves up. Like, Hey, maybe Paris would buy it. Or the Kardashians. Our normal comforters are a few hundred bucks. They’re very well made.”

  “Hey, you exchanging phone numbers back there?” Odin grated. “Can it.”

  Wistfully I pictured nights sitting around the kitchen table with my sisters, freaking out over the latest vet bill or whatever. Times like those, one of us would say, “It’s okay because Paris Hilton will be buying these comforters for every room in her house soon, including one for her dog. Isn’t that great?” It was our favorite inside sister joke.

  “Would you say that’s true of all FCN banks?” Zeus asked. “Do all of the employees want to bring down that owner?”

  “Not as much as the branches Hank Vernon visits. They have 132 branches across the Midwest, dude. Vernon can’t terrorize them all. Hey, you know what would be awesome?” I fumbled for Thor’s arm and clutched it. “If you gave me one of those diamonds. That could go a long way toward helping us protect the farm. I could pay the entire balloon with one of those!”

  Thor laughed softly. “I don’t think so.”

  “What’s so funny? I showed you where they were. I could have it cut up and fenced or whatever. Isn’t that what you guys’ll do?”

  “But the difference is that you would never get away with it, and we will,” Thor said.

  “You think I can’t figure it out?”

  “Nope,” Thor said.

  “What? Just nope?”

  “That’s right, nope,” he said. “’Cause we’ve got skills, baby.”

  “You’ve got skillz.”

  “Amazing skills like you’ve never seen.”

  My belly went tight. Was Thor as focused and confident in bed as he was in robbery mode? I’d never know. These guys were unlike any other guys I’d ever met. And in the area of competence porn? Off the charts! Even in zombie masks.

  I said, “Are you truly unable to impart these skills?”

  Thor lowered his voice to a silky rumble. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I felt like all of his attention was focused on me. “We don’t impart them to just anybody.”

  “Because your skills are so very god-like?”

  He shifted in the seat next to me. “Very,” he whispered.

  I blushed. “And you would never impart them to a common mortal like me?”

  Was I flirting with this guy?

  Yes!

  I’d be back to my regular life tonight. I loved caring for my sisters and the farm, but I sometimes felt so trapped. And here was this moment in time where I’d been plucked out, whisked away.

  And I already had a blindfold on…

  “And why would we do that?” he breathed into my ear. “Why would we ever, ever do such a thing? What would persuade us?”

  The subject was no longer diamonds—that was clear. “Perhaps you will impart your skills because you are benevolent gods,” I said.

  “Well, we can be benevolent, it’s true. Benevolent beyond your wildest dreams. But we can also become quite wrathful.”

  Heat speared my core. What was happening to me?

  Somebody in the front cleared his throat. Warningly.

  Thor seemed to straighten up. Were Zeus and Odin the bosses of him?

  Anyway, I straightened up, too. Because, hello, I was blindfolded and flirting with one of the robbers who’d taken me hostage.

  But I instinctively trusted them. And I loved how wild and free they were. I wanted to have a name taken from a mythological god, and to be wild and free like them, if only for a little while.

  Thor asked me more questions. It was so easy to talk with him, and soon I found myself describing the book of humorous essays I was writing, ironically entitled “Adventures in Sheep Farming,” about life on a sheep farm. Someday I wanted to have real adventures and write about them. “Maybe ‘Adventures in Sheep Farming’ will be a best-seller and save the farm,” I joked. “You never know.”

  “Your boss won’t be foreclosing on your fucking-g farm today,” Odin snarled from up front, somewhat threateningly. I liked how his threatening attitude was aimed at Hank.

  “Why not?”

  “That would look pretty fucking-g bad in the media, don’t you think?” Odin said. “You get kidnapped from this guy’s bank, and he decides to yank the family farm? You’ll be able to milk this for at least a few weeks.”

  I sat up and leaned forward toward Odin. “You’re right.”

  “Sit back.” Thor yanked me back and scootched me down. “Stay low or I’ll put you on the floor.”

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, feeling happy and hopeful about the farm. I could milk this hostage thing!

  In a matter of minutes, these three had accomplished what I’d been dreaming of doing for years: they’d royally messed with Hank Vernon and derailed the foreclosure.

  “Or what if I stayed gone after you released me?” I said. “Get a job in nowheresville and make them sweat. As long as I’m gone, the farm would be safe.”

  “Yeah,” Odin said sarcastically. “You’d be picked up in about two seconds.”

  “Well, I guess once you let me go, you don’t really have a say,” I said. “Maybe I’ll try to stay hidden. I could send money home. He could never take the farm.”

  “Don’t play games.” Thor’s voice sounded soft, but rumbly. “This business isn’t as easy as it looks. Staying free, just walking down the street without having to look over your shoulder is worth more than money or a farm. We’ll dump you somewhere, and you just play your hand straight.”

  It was here I got my new idea. “Okay, this might sound like a radical idea,” I said, “but, how about if I tag along with you guys for a bit?”

  A mean bark of laughter came from up front. Odin.

  “No way,” Thor said. “It’s just…no way.”

  “I could be the wheel man. I’m a freaking amazing driver. Let me stay your hostage.”

  Thor chuckled softly.

  I imagined the media. The Vernons would never be able to touch the farm with me gone! Folks who disappeared from the Midwest got famous. People would probably send money. Maybe they’d start buying our Paris Hilton comforter. Maybe Paris Hilton would! Or Taylor Swift or Beyoncé!

  I could secretly get word to my sisters that I was okay, somehow.

  “You don’t have a wheel man,” I said. “What kind of gang doesn’t have a wheel man?”

  No reply. Had I hit a nerve?

  My head swam with visions of adventures with a bank robbery gang. Maybe just a few months! We’d split the money we’d steal. It would be awesome. I’m not the kind of girl to steal money, but what if we only hit Vernon-owned banks? I would feel okay about that.

  “You can’t.”

  “Why not? I'm very brave.”

  Fingers softly grazed my forehead, brushing a lock of hair off my face. Thor. “There are rules to being in our gang.”

  Rules.

  I don’t know if it was the way he was touching me, or the sexy rumble of his voice, but warmth flooded me at the idea of rules.

  I was pretty sure they might be sexy rules.

  I was not all that sexually adventurous in the real world, but this wasn’t the real world. I was a hostage now. It was like a holiday from my life.

  I swallowed, senses humming. “I have no problem with rules.”

  Thor said, “You might with these rules.”

  They say in sales that when a person starts voicing objections, it shows they’re interested. Was Thor interested? Was he suggesting I might have problems with the rules because he hoped I wouldn’t?

  “Why would I have a problem?”

  “We are a very well-oiled organization,” he said, “demanding total obedience to the group.”

  Excitement surged through me. “You don’t say.”

  “I do say,” Thor sai
d.

  “That’s enough,” Zeus barked from the front.

  “Right. Fine,” Thor said. “Nothing personal,” he whispered to me. This was the second time Thor had been reprimanded. Like he was the misbehaving ward of the two surly robbers.

  “Is this about that scene in the safe room? I promise I was just performing for the microphone. I don’t talk to myself like I’m two different personalities in real life. Pinky swear!”

  “Put a sock in it.” Odin sounded tense. “Trouble.”

  The van seemed to slow.

  “Get down.” Before I could move, Thor pushed me down on the seat. The top of my head smushed against the door, which was vibrating like crazy. Something warm was thrown over me. A scratchy blanket or something.

  The guys were arguing. In my mind they looked angry and muscular and impossibly sexy.

  Please let us get away, I thought. Yes, I was thinking "us" even at that point.

  Somebody mentioned the bridge. Which one? I felt us turn and speed up. Had they hit traffic? Had there been a change of plans?

  I stayed down, however. I wanted to show I was trustworthy.

  More arguing up front. The van slowed. Thor swore. Odin barked to shut up. Zeus barked at both of them to shut up. It was then I knew what had happened.

  I spoke up through the blanket. “You hit tractor pull traffic, didn’t you?”

  “Crap!” Thor said. “Tractor pull?”

  “And you decided to take the bridge and it’s worse,” I added.

  I felt the blanket get yanked off of me. The cool air was nice. I wished I could see.

  “It was supposed to be yesterday,” Zeus said accusingly.

  “It got rescheduled for today,” I informed the men. “Because of rain.” Helicopter chops sounded above us. Sirens.

  Odin’s voice: “There was no notice of that. There is no fucking official policy of that. Nothing written.”

  Of course, when Odin said it, it came out as no fucking go-fficial policy of that.

  “It’s just assumed,” I said. “Everyone in town just knows.”

  “We’re stuck with a hostage in a traffic jam?” Thor said.

  “We should’ve dumped her at the train,” Odin said.